Warning: Not For Childrens Eyes

... Well, YOUR children. It's a little too late for mine. Let me start with a little info : My Mother -In-law is originally from El Salvador, and she travels there often to visit family. My Hubby hasn't been there since he was little and she often brings us back little things from there. She is awesome like that. Back a few years ago, he had a specific request. He wanted these trinkets that he remembered, and apparently stuck with him (trust me, you'll see why here in a sec...). The are called Sorpresas (surprises) Here is what they look like :

Cute right? Harmless little hand painted eggs. Wonder whats inside?! My Daughter did too!! So I have these on a shelf, behind glass and I was sitting on the computer (probably on blogger, woops) and she says "Momma, What are they DOING ?", so I look over because I have no idea what she is talking about and this is what I see :

*SURPRISE*

YUP!!! Cute, right?! Not soooo much.
She had this adorable couple off the egg and in her hand.

I'm Speechless for a moment. So she asks again: "Mom!! WHAT ARE THEY doing? " So I respond: "He is rubbing her back baby", "Why Mom?", "Uh um, because her back hurts", "Why Mom?", "I don't KNOW, it just does", "But what are they doing?", "He is rubbing her back"...... Little Miss is in the WHY stage big time so we had to go through this a couple of times. AHHHHH. HE IS JUST RUBBING HER BACK!!! lol I didn't yell at her really, I did however stress the importance of NOT getting into that cabinet because things are breakable! *shakes head*, I mean really. Of all the things for her to see. I'm really hoping that she forgets about them!! I didn't want my lovely Mom-In Law to miss out on the milestone, so I called her to tell her what went down. And to thank her for such a sweet moment. She thought it was pretty freakin hilarious!! (ok it kinda was). She is sure that it will be forgotten. We'll see if the little SPONGE that is my daughter mentions it again. So thanks to the dirty adolescent mind of my hubby (who OBVIOUSLY didn't forget about them), his Moms generosity, and my Blogger Addiction , my daughter has a totally screwed up idea of what a back rub looks like!!!

My HOUSE Smells flippin disgusting!!

UGH!! Crap. So my son (the one who NEVER eats) wants meat balls!! Wooo hoo! I'm on it buddy! So I get them outta the freezer, and decided not to cook them in the oven but to microwave them so they were done before he changed his mind! I followed the directions. Just like last time. Well something went horribly wrong. Because all of a sudden my house fills with smoke and there is this SMELL!!!! Raunchy, nasty, foul, vomit inducing smell. I open the microwave, and to my dismay, release even more foul smelling smoke. Well. There are meatballs. Who have shrunk and shriveled to a third of their original size. And are now the consistency of rocks. GUH!!! Are you serious? My kid was going to eat something fairly good for him, and you tell me its RUINED?! They were the last ones too! Flippin A! Now the Range Hood is on Full Blast, the back door is wide open and all the ceiling fans are spinning wildly. I have the sneaking suspicion that the little sister added some more time to that microwave. I don't make mistakes like that ever. I mean, I'm totally perfect, error free. And she WAS in the kitchen. Yup, must have been her fault. And to add to it, she was walking around the house naked, and all of a sudden she brings me a purple Dahlia. "Awww thank.... Oh wait. Um. your NAKED! And you WENT OUTSIDE?!!!" ... *you have got to be kidding me!* WOW. just wow. Hubby is for sure going to come home from work, walk through the door and say :" The house smells like ass". I can see the face now. Probably because I am making the same one. *vomit*