Just CRY already!

Ok, I'm being selfish. I don't REALLY want you to cry. Well... maybe a little. I mean you could spare me a tear or two. After Everything I have done for you. All the meals, all the sleepless nights, the endless breastfeeding, Kissing of boo-boos, breaking up fights between you and your brother . Do I even NEED to mention the fact that you used to think poo was for painting with? For that alone I deserve buckets of tears. Maybe as many as I cried while scrubbing poo out of the carpets , and off the walls, and out of your hair every FREAKIN day. All those reasons aside: I CREATED you. Can't I get just one flippin tear?! I take you to your very first day of "preschool" and this is what I get. You, striking a pose, looking insanely cute, and happy as pie. HAPPY. Sheesh. Where is the kicking and screaming and begging "MOMMY DON'T LEAVE ME!" Huh? Can't I get one of those? At least you didn't give one to Dad either (that would have had me in a state). For that, I think I may forgive you. Just this once.

I'm very Glad that you at least stuck on my side while trying to find a place to sit, and while meeting your teachers. That made me feel good. I was at least needed for that! It was nice to know you were just the tiniest bit apprehensive with all these strangers.


It didn't last long though did it? Give you a paint brush and some glue and you are happy as pie. Who needs parents? "Bye Dad!! Love you!". A kiss and a wave for mom, and you were just fine with us walking out that door. "Um hello!! We are leaving!? Don't you want to throw yourself at my legs now , clinging on and begging me not to go? "

Perfectly content to do your project! If I hadn't called your name you probably wouldn't have even noticed us leaving!

Well, at least one of us shed some tears. Mom barely made it to the car. I tried like hell not to. But you are my BABY. And someone else is going to be hangin out with you during the day and probably entertaining you better than I do. And I am going to be home all alone for the next week ( a shame I know), wandering the house wishing you were here (or taking a nap, whatever).

In all honesty, I'm very glad you didn't cry and carry on. I am so glad that you love school so much. It just makes me feel much better about going back to school myself. Knowing that you aren't sitting there all day crying and wanting your mom. That would just break my heart. I will admit though, when the teachers told me that you asked them to call me cause you were ready to come home , It made me feel a little better. At least I'm not totally expendable. Even if it was only because you didn't want to do what they were doing. You are something else monkey! I love you.

P.S. QUIT growing would you?!!! I don't know how much more I can handle.

Somethings Gotta Give

I'm exhausted. And totally at a loss. I have no idea how this whole ME going back to school thing is going to work. I mean, its HAS to. Plain and simple. But friggen A. So far I am STILL waiting to find out if my son can get into SAS (School Age Services). It's before and after care. Well apparently when a kid has ADHD its like a whole PROCESS. A board has to meet to decide if they are fit for care. WTF ever. Seriously? There are soooo many kids these days with that diagnosis. Why make it more difficult? OK so He has some more problems than just ADHD, but we wont get into that right now. I just cant handle thinking about that too at the moment. But as a parent of a very difficult child, Im just wondering "Why Make my life more difficult?". Just let the kid in already. Because now I have to have a back up plan. Yeah, when you don't live anywhere near family, and have no friends, that's not exactly easy to do thank you very much. Oh and if he DOES get in, he is on a 30 day "trial period". What?! So if he gets in trouble he is done? Well we are screwed then cause baby, 30 days with no trouble? That would be a miracle. I'm worried enough about his days being longer and him being able to have good days when there is an extra 4 hours he has to behave. And the meds will wear off while he is there... *shakes head* sips wine* yikes.
Lets move on to reason number two that this is going to be a roller coaster ride. I am the worlds most unorganized person. Seriously. You don't want to see my house. I don't even want to see my house. The number one reason I am lookin at the computer screen instead: Your Blogs are much prettier than my living room. Oh did I say living room? I meant laundry basket. Cause that's where all the clean clothes go for the rest of their days as clean clothes. They rarely make it to the closets. I am known to be running around the house last min trying to find a sock, or a shoe for one of the kids. Oh and where the hell are my keys!!? "Adrianna!!!! Where is my LIP GLOSS?!!". Damnit I need to iron pants! Ugh. And seriously, I have LITERALLY had to take a pair of underwear for my son OUT of the WASHER and IRON them dry so the kid didn't have to go commando to school. Yup, I'm a slacker. SOOOOO not your Wonder MOM. The opposite of domestic Goddess. I never imagined I would be this way. And my escape is supposed to be going back to school?!! Somehow I think this will backfire. Ok most definitely it will. Do they hypnotize people into organized human beings? Because if so, COUNT ME IN!! I would like my entry way to look like this:

My Pantry This:

My closets This:

With everything in its place (that of course would mean things HAD a place, not just wherever I happen to drop it). Oh yeah, I am going to ROCK this college thing! Hahahahah! Oy Vey. I have tried to get organized like this but can never do it!!

Reason number three is actually not so bad. I'm freakin out over leaving my baby girl. She will be 4 in February. But I have been a stay at home mom for over 7 years and leaving my kids is like ripping an arm off. Even if it is an arm I don't particularly like 100% of the time. JUST kidding (sorta). I love my kids, being a MOM is my life. But I am at the point where I don't want it to be MY ONLY life. I also don't want to lose the quality time I have with the kiddos. So how do I balance it all and not go crazy? Drink Heavily You Say?! That I can do...