Why I Love him...

Today is the 9th Anniversary of my Marriage to my Husband. NINE freakin years. I can't believe it sometimes. One day it feels like just yesterday he was driving me to my back surgery a mere 4 days after we met and holding my hand as I tried to wake up from a morphine/anesthesia induced stupor (not pretty folks, not pretty), and then sometimes it feels as though we have been going at this roller coaster that people call marriage for ever! It hasn't always been easy. We have had our ups and our downs just like anyone else. The downs can tear anyone apart if they get bad enough, and we've felt a few rips and tears. But through everything, we always manage to come out on top and always manage to hold on to the love that has made everything work. Without Love, honest to goodness love, there is no way that anyone can withstand the trials of living/growing/changing with another human being. If I didn't love him, I might have killed him a long time ago. And if he didn't love me, God knows he would have had me fitted for cement shoes (or straight jacket, but who's counting) a few years ago at least. I can't believe how much I love this man.
Now let me just say, anyone that has ever met us or seen us together would never accuse us of being mushy or lovey or sweet or disgusting (the good kind), I mean we DO have our moments, but that's not how we roll. But Damn, I love this man. Why? Well, for one, he puts up with all my CRAZY. Not that you need to know how much crazy, but let's just say I might have hit a few branches on the way down the crazy tree and quite possibly landed on my head. But he loves me. Not JUST in spite of either, maybe even a little because of... (wishful thinking? Maybe). He knows me. And even LIKES me most of the time. ( I know, I know, I'm totally likeable so it's not so shocking). This is the man who sometimes brings me flowers, lets me sleep in on the weekends and takes care of our kids. I loev him because he values my opinion on important things. He never makes an important descision without talking to me first. I love him because he doesn't criticize my inadequacy as a housewife, instead he just picks up the slack. And its a lot of slack. Anyone who ever saw my locker or car in highschool or dorm room at Brooks can accurately visualize what my house looks like more often than not. I'm not proud of this, and he doesn't like it, but he doesn't ever make me feel bad about it. He never criticizes me about my parenting skills, and lets face it, those (like my furniture) could use a little polishing too. When he comes home and dinner isn't ready, he doesn't ask why, he just wants to know where we are going to eat or what we are ordering :) And he doesn't even care that I make him answer to door for the pizza guy cause I am probably still in my pajamas. I can sometimes let my worry for my family or my friends effect me more than I should, and instead of telling me that I worry too much or its not my problem, or my business, he listens. And tries to help. This is the man, who when I told him that my best friend and her 2 kids will be coming to stay with us for a week, or a month or more, didn't blink an eye. He didn't roll his eyes or wonder how this would effect him. Instead he asked how, if we bought a sleeper sofa, the kids would sleep while she and I stayed up late talking like he knows we will. He even went shopping with me to look for new furniture so that they could be more comfortable while they are here. He is amazing.
And if that sounds like bragging, well it is. And there is more. This man, my husband, sent me to Italy for my birthday to see my best friend because he knew that she and I both needed it. And he took his hard earned vacation time to stay home with our kids. Who does that? Him. He rocks. He didn't even check the bank accounts while I was there to see how much money I was spending. Even though he knows that I really like to shop. :) When he went home to Cali for his brother's graduation, he only stayed a few days so that I didn't have to stress about school or miss too many days while he was away. He sticks up for me when someone makes me cry. He holds my hand when I'm scared, he wipes my tears, even if I am just overreacting. While I was in school, he would bring my coffee while I was sitting in front of the computer for hours upon hours, writing, or editing. All while doing homework with our son and getting the kids showered and ready for bed. He kicks ass. He watches girly movies with me and only complains a little. Even pretends to care when I talk about General Hospital Characters like I know them personally. When we go out to eat, he lets me drink my wine and he drives home ;) (this MIGHT just be for his benefit but whatever ;) I have had friends ask to borrow him. He does housework. My Best Friend thinks he should write a book :) But he is mine. And its going to stay that way. Unless he outlives me, they can all just find their own!!! And honestly, I could go on and on... but I won't. I have already inflated his EGO enough for the year. I'll tell him how awesome he is again next year ;) I LOVE YOU BABY!!! I'll be ready with that needle to poke a hole in the ego tomorrow! *Muah*

Aimless Wandering

That's what I do. Wander aimlessly. So today, cup of Seattle's best (I know, forgive me Starbucks) in hand, I was pushing an empty cart through the PX. I got the cart for the sole purpose of holding my purse. Its heavy. So I walked around for a while, looking at crap I don't need, crap I want but can't afford, and crap I should buy but doesn't interest me at the moment. U know, like cleaning supplies and organizational tools? After strolling around, picking stuff up turning it over in my hand, contemplating its use and need/want rating, and ultimately putting it back, I run across something amazing. I mean, really. Your going to love it. I did. Enough to put it in my cart. I almost bought 2. Now you might think I'm crazy, or simple minded or something, for thinking that anything this simple is so freakin fantastic. But if your one of those people, well, keep it to yourself. Don't burst my happy shopping bubble OK?

Moms, remember all the times you have been out shopping with your kids? You know, hell on earth? Well, Think back to the aisle wandering, cart pushing and eventual trip to the car loaded down with bags and kids. Whats one of the never ending problems we run across? Not enough hands for holding am I right? Of course I am. How many times have you wondered how exactly are you going to hold your child's hand while crossing the street or dodging idiot drivers in the parking lot on the way to your car? Pushing a loaded cart, or carrying a ton of bags make it impossible. For real. You end up hoping for the best. Or if you are an especially careful mom, like me, you make sure the little kiddos are holding on to something on your person. Like your pants pocket. Or belt loop, or purse handle. Any of these options suck by the way. Whats most likely to happen when they are holding on to your belt loop is this: Your pants fall down. I know seeing my butt crack is appealing to most everyone, however I try to save it for special occasions. Like your Birthday. Well my crack is safe from exposure from here on out. You know why? Cause I found this today:

Not just your Regular Canvas shopping bag. No. This is the MotherChildBag by reisenthel

You see that awesome little handle that looks like it has no use? ITS FOR YOUR KID!!! Holy Crap. Someone actually came up with something to make my life easier. And its CUTE. They come in other colors too! Yeah, I almost got em all. I thought that might be over kill. NO? This baby is made well and has a reinforced bottom to boot. And get this: has a zipper pocket on the inside too. Yup. I'm in love. Am I easy to please or what? This flippin made my Day. And I think that you should buy one too. Its what any responsible mother would do. No more butt cracks please. ;)

Just CRY already!

Ok, I'm being selfish. I don't REALLY want you to cry. Well... maybe a little. I mean you could spare me a tear or two. After Everything I have done for you. All the meals, all the sleepless nights, the endless breastfeeding, Kissing of boo-boos, breaking up fights between you and your brother . Do I even NEED to mention the fact that you used to think poo was for painting with? For that alone I deserve buckets of tears. Maybe as many as I cried while scrubbing poo out of the carpets , and off the walls, and out of your hair every FREAKIN day. All those reasons aside: I CREATED you. Can't I get just one flippin tear?! I take you to your very first day of "preschool" and this is what I get. You, striking a pose, looking insanely cute, and happy as pie. HAPPY. Sheesh. Where is the kicking and screaming and begging "MOMMY DON'T LEAVE ME!" Huh? Can't I get one of those? At least you didn't give one to Dad either (that would have had me in a state). For that, I think I may forgive you. Just this once.

I'm very Glad that you at least stuck on my side while trying to find a place to sit, and while meeting your teachers. That made me feel good. I was at least needed for that! It was nice to know you were just the tiniest bit apprehensive with all these strangers.


It didn't last long though did it? Give you a paint brush and some glue and you are happy as pie. Who needs parents? "Bye Dad!! Love you!". A kiss and a wave for mom, and you were just fine with us walking out that door. "Um hello!! We are leaving!? Don't you want to throw yourself at my legs now , clinging on and begging me not to go? "

Perfectly content to do your project! If I hadn't called your name you probably wouldn't have even noticed us leaving!

Well, at least one of us shed some tears. Mom barely made it to the car. I tried like hell not to. But you are my BABY. And someone else is going to be hangin out with you during the day and probably entertaining you better than I do. And I am going to be home all alone for the next week ( a shame I know), wandering the house wishing you were here (or taking a nap, whatever).

In all honesty, I'm very glad you didn't cry and carry on. I am so glad that you love school so much. It just makes me feel much better about going back to school myself. Knowing that you aren't sitting there all day crying and wanting your mom. That would just break my heart. I will admit though, when the teachers told me that you asked them to call me cause you were ready to come home , It made me feel a little better. At least I'm not totally expendable. Even if it was only because you didn't want to do what they were doing. You are something else monkey! I love you.

P.S. QUIT growing would you?!!! I don't know how much more I can handle.

The Anger Tool Box

(Mostly serious & lengthy Blog with some Humor thrown in as a coping mechanism).... Being a parent is tough. There are no manuals, no trouble shooting guides, no repair shop for the things that are "broken". Every pregnant mother, and expecting father, along with their families Pray for one thing (well the good ones do) that the baby is HEALTHY. For all intents and purposes, my son was born "healthy". He didn't have Downs, Didn't have cerebral palsy, no birth defects whatsoever. He was a freakin cute baby(not just being biased). He was an even cuter Toddler. It was when he was a toddler that we started noticing some concerns. He was a TERROR. I'm not talking typical terrible twos here. Just way out there. We thought that maybe it was just us. So we tried to get some help with behavior modifications. Nothing doing. This Psychologist thought maybe he had ADHD. I was diagnosed with this as a teen, and so does half the population of children these days. I was skeptical. And he was not even 3 yet. There was no way I was medicating him. We just dealt. So... Jump forward a few years (a little over 2) to Kindergarten. We kept having problems. Nothing worked. And he just seemed to be getting worse. He is a sweet, loving, funny, outgoing, compassionate kid. But sometimes, he isn't. AT ALL. He is a totally DIFFERENT kid. (Can someone else parent this Other kid I don't know? I want MY kid) Another psyc told us the same thing. Wanted to Medicate. And I was SOOO not down with what he wanted to put him on (after meeting the kid ONCE for 30 mins). Lets just say, we never went back there. Again we dealt. Anyway... UGH. We were told ADHD, Opposition Defiance Disorder... and because of family history, possible Bi-Polar Disorder. No one wanted to diagnose bi-polar on a 6 year old. The testing wasn't conclusive. Blah Blah Blah, Try Meds finally. It helped. A little. It helped the ADHD symptoms, the hyperactivity... The focus. To an extent. Now, we are on Med Number 3. again, it helps. A little. I HATE THIS. I HATE putting his poor scrawny little body through this. But I am at a loss. Now things are getting worse as far as extreme behaviors go. Throwing Chairs (computer chairs) Kicking car windows, biting, death threats, bludgeoning me in the back of the head with a water bottle while I'm driving( NO YOU ARE NOT CHUCK NORRIS dude)... you name it, he's done it. And probably more than you can imagine from a 7 year old. Its looking like NOW after all this time, someone is CLOSE to FINALLY diagnosing him with Bi-Polar. Not an easy thing for a parent to digest. and not only bi-polar, but more, and not sure. Because and I quote "...a tough one. He doesn't FIT into any one category. He has traits from several. He is going to be a hard child to parent" She even brought someone in to double check that he WASN'T autistic because of some of the traits.

*deep Breath* (please feel free to take an intermission and grab a snack. Preferably a cupcake ;)
This is my SWEET BOY. My mamma's boy. The hugger. WTH?!!! It makes me cry. A lot. And here is the thing. When you are in public and things like this happen. The rages, the tantrums, the kicking and screaming and punching. The DIRTY LOOKS don't FREAKIN HELP!! If he was physically disabled, or had an obvious birth defect that someone could see, it would be accepted. You wouldn't look like a crappy parent. One that cant control their kid. People wouldn't say things like "she should get control of her kids". I want to punch those people in the Jugular. Seriously. He cant help it. Its not his fault. It doesn't excuse the behaviors, but what can you do? I think of all the yelling, the punishing, the grounding, the time outs. And I cry. Because all this time we have been expecting him to behave like a "normal" child. Like every other 7 year old we've known. We thought he was just being a pain in the ass. (sorry but that's how we felt). NOW. we have to totally change the way we see our son. How do you do that? How can you change your view of them and what you can expect from them. Lowering behavioral Standards so to speak.
So he is a VERY LITERAL child. He learns by seeing things and having something Tangible to do. I wanted to come up with something for him to do to help control the rages. So I made Him THIS:




Inside it will have a Stress Ball, a book, a DO NOT DISTURB sign, happy pictures of our family, and a Timer, so he can use it to breath and calm himself. Any other suggestions for the box would be welcomed. This is the only thing I could think to do. Anything to help. I hope it works.