Friday, September 25, 2009

I take it all back...

Be Careful what you wish for folks. I just HAD to open my big mouth. Had to say I wanted a tear or two from my little girl. *shakes head* Really? I didn't MEAN IT!!! I SWEAR!!
But It was too late. The words were spoken and apparently someone was listening. If I knew I would have asked for something much cooler.
This Morning, day 5 of "preschool" for my baby, she decides she is not going. When she woke up she was all stoked to go. So we take her brother to school, and then across the street for hers. We pull in and she says "I don't WANT to go to school today." So I say, "you have to baby, Mommy has to go to school too." She says: "I don't want to. I QUIT!" you quit? What? who is this kid? We proceeded to walk into the center and to her class. She is still telling me she doesn't want to go. On we walk. We get in, put her back pack in her cubby and she goes to wash her hands. I look at her face in the mirror, and true to her little sweet self, she is trying not to cry. Forcing her self to hold it in. She always does that. She doesn't want to cry so she tries to stop. She even did this when she burned herself on my curling iron. YEAH. Wiping the tears off her own face telling me she is fine... Anyway, so I look at her, tears welling up in her eyes, lip trembling, cheeks getting red, and ask "Baby, Whats wrong?" And she loses it. She starts crying. "I don't want to be in school, I just want to go home. I want to be with you". I try to explain again that Mommy has to go to school just like her and her brother and Just like daddy has to go to work everyday. She isn't having it. "I don't WANT you to go to school. I want to go home" she cries pitifully.
This just rips my heart out. Because the one major thing about me going back to school that KILLS me, is this. That she isn't going to be with me. That someone else is going to be taking care of her all day long. Starting next week she is going to be going 2 hours earlier. Talk about making you feel like a giant pile of crap.
I held her while she cried into my hair. Crying like she rarely does. Not the I'm throwing a fit because I'm not getting what I want crying, because she does that. Very Well. This was the I'm really sad and upset, why have you done this to me kind of crying. I tried to get her into doing things with her new friends. She seemed ok for a second and them BAM... the sobbing starts again. Her teacher takes her to the WAVING WINDOW where she holds her while she is sobbing and crying for me and I'm supposed walk out the door. Past the window looking at her with a lump in my throat. She is reaching out for me crying "MOMMY!!!".
I sat in the car crying for a while. Just thinking "WTF was I thinking?" Why the FRIG did I ask for this again?" I take it back. Please lets not have this happen again. Let her forget about me as soon as she walks through the door. I'm fine with that. Just not this. Not the GIANT heaping pile of guilt. No more heartbreaking tears from my baby. Please. I WAS KIDDING!!! Yes people. Be careful. Very careful what you wish for. You just might get it.


  1. awe poor thing! That makes me so sad! Just bring her to my house next time...I guess that won't solve anything...

    hang in there and good luck with school!!!

  2. Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

    My gosh, this just made my heart hurt! You poor thing! I mean, it's sad for her, but I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you!

  3. I feel for ya Mama. You are doing the right thing though. You are setting such a great example for your daughter by going to school. She will adjust. I always bribe my kid that if he can go to school and not cry then, when I pick him up, I'll give him candy. Works like a charm.


  4. Oh don't feel bad... It's just part of the learning process. I started to send my daughter who is 2.5 to day care 3x/week for 4 hrs at a time. I feel guilty! But she had been going find for about a month then one day she started crying and then the next day it was worse, then again worse until she cried the entire four hours she was there. Now how about that guilt baby!! But she is fine now and has fun and the tears are minimal.

  5. Oh, it is soooo hard!!!
    (massive hugs, girl)

  6. Oh no honey, I can only imagine how tough that was. Hopefully it was just a one time thing, that today was just a fluke, and the next day she'll do better. I know this may not exactly make you feel much better, but I'm sure that after you left, she calmed down and focused on the other kids there, and had fun with them. Hang in there hon!

  7. Aww Lana! I can just picture her trying to hold those tears back while trying to be so brave for Mommy. :( I know this is hard but it will pass. I went through the same with Maddie, although she was only like 18 months old when I went back to work. lol I am proud of you! And quit all of this talk like someone else is raising your kid...YOU have raised her and still are! You are bettering yourself and her life by doing what you are doing!

  8. Hey lady! Poppin' over from TAG. Congrats on being featured! Love your cupcake aprons :) I checked out your etsy shop, too. Sweet! I might just have to snag a couple cupcake accessories from your awesome collection. Hope your little girl stopped her tears!!


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